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This little wild child. You know what we do every morning at 10am? We walk back and forth and back and forth past our vet. It's her favorite place in the world (after what they've done for Sora and her ashes, who can blame her?). The reason we do this is because she goes ballistic everytime we approach. So we walk until she doesn't pull toward the door. When she reaches that point, we sit in front of the door. Then I touch the door handle. Now we're ringing the doorbell. Tomorrow, maybe we'll graduate to opening the door. She's a handful, but it's really quite fun to work with her and watch her progression. Maybe one day, she'll even come back when I call her in the woods. Maybe... #sponsored @qalo #qalodog #qalorings
Last week, after I had learned the devastating news about Sora's ashes, our vet ran into Dave on the street and told him to tell me to stop by.They told him again the next day when I couldn't go in.I tried going on the third day, but couldn't bring myself to see them. Not because I was angry with them about the miscommunication, but because I couldn't bear to see the last people who saw Sora.I texted her and told her I wasn't ready to come in because I was so upset.A flurry of text messages came in. Before I could read them all, my vet was calling me. "Jen," she said. "I need to talk to you about Sora." She went on to tell me that she called the cremation company to ask if there was any way for us to still recuperate Sora's ashes. It had been three weeks by that point.What she told me next, I still have trouble believing.By some sort of magic or miracle or apology from the universe, the machine had broken and they had to pause the cremations. Sora was STILL there, untouched, waiting to come back to us.I couldn't process what she had just told me. How could it be that three weeks had passed and Sora was still intact? My body shook and tears rained from my eyes at the thought that we'd have her back with us, where she belongs.I didn't fully believe it until today, when I walked home with her tucked in a ceramic pot cradled in my arms.
I'm not quite sure how he did it, but Dave somehow convinced me to let us foster a puppy for a few weeks.It's not that I'm opposed to fostering, it's more a timing thing. And also a puppy thing. One puppy is plenty!This guy here is Leon and he needed a place to recover after getting fixed and while the refugio is being reviewed by the city government.The "shelter" isn't really up to code, but there's nowhere else to keep the dogs.Leon is quickly learning his manners and how to be a pet and live inside with humans.He's a good influence on Laila's recall challenges. She comes back when he does and he's not nearly as bold as she is!Today, we took him to the dog park and watched him go from a cautious pup with his tail between his legs to a happy guy running gleefully among the other dogs.Have you ever fostered a pet?#sponsored by @zukespets #ZukesPack #LetsGoZukes #LiveLifeOffLeash
Today marks our first full month without Sora. The first couple of weeks, I really struggled with my mourning process. I felt like I wasn't mourning her "right." Not crying enough. Not talking to her often enough. Not remembering to look for her at her spots every time we sat down on the couch. I'd feel upset with myself. I feared that by not filling my thoughts with her every second of the day, it meant I was forgetting her. I compared myself to others I know who have lost their pets. I'd feel angry with myself for not grieving in the same exact way. Why haven't I cried in the middle of the grocery store over Sora? After sharing this with some friends, I finally realized that we all grieve and move on differently. And it doesn't mean that I miss Sora and less or that I will ever forget her. As I became kinder to myself, I felt Sora's presence more often. Joining me on my yoga mat. Sleeping at the foot of our bed. I can hear her tags jingle on the trail and her nails clack across the floor. I look for signs of her, in the sky and from others that let me know that she is ok. And that makes me feel at peace.
Can I get a boop, boop?@boopmynose #boopmynose #boop #howmanyboopsdoyoucount
Instagram, we are pleased to introduce you to Furgie, the newest addition to our adventure pack.She's old and rusty and slow as hell. She creaks and rattles and the back door doesn't open without a little help from the inside. The gas gauge only works sometimes and the dash constantly tells us we're overheating (falsely). But she'll take us to the mountains and in search of fall colors. We'll sleep beneath the stars and see this world together.The only thing missing? Sora, of course. We had talked about getting a van for so long, and it's bittersweet having one without her.A bit on her name: Furgoneta is the Spanish word for van. While running the other day, I realized that the word starts with FUR. Fur! Like animals. And that's how Furgie came to be!
I texted our vet on Saturday to ask when we should expect Sora's ashes.After a bit of a delay, the clinic replied and said that when you do a group cremation, the ashes are not returned.I had no idea. Perhaps our vet mentioned this, but I either missed it in translation or in my grief.I lost it upon hearing this news. I wailed and sobbed as hard as I did leading up to her death.I thought that I would have one last physical object of Sora. I envisioned bringing her ashes with us on our travels, and offering a part of her to each new destination to continue her adventure.Even if only one grain of sand in the whole pile belonged to her, it still contained her. It still represented her. And now, we can't bring her along as I had planned.I'm not angry with our vet about the miscommunication. I get that we're in a different country and they do things differently from how they do at home. In fact, when I asked, they sounded surprised.I just feel like we've lost her all over again. If we had known, we would have paid the 250€ to do a private cremation and have her back.I suppose this is the universe teaching me to practice letting go. I just wonder, how many times do I have to let Sora go before it's sufficient?
After Sora died, heading to Instagram was a little like Christmas. I had hundreds of comments filled with love and condolences and stories of Sora. You used #sorasnextadventure to show me where you took your dogs in honor of Sora. . One of the most touching displays of honor was this painting by @rhendricks05. I saw that I had been tagged in a photo and pressed on the notification, not expecting anything, since Instagram sometimes likes to tell me I've been tagged, when really it's just an old post. So when I saw this beautiful painting of Sora, tears began streaming down my face. . Her own beautiful Afghan hound, Lakho died just days before Sora, so she knew all too well the pain we felt. . A wave of gratitude flowed through my body and filled my empty heart at the sight of this image. This, my friends, is why I cherish this community so much.
A cold front has come through Spain this week, bringing cooler weather and finally, a snippet of fall! . Our mountains are once again covered in snow, which just makes me so happy. . @seeinanewway sent me this new super fun lens that distorts images and I am LOVING playing with it. It creates fun bokeh effects and mimics movement in shots. What do you think? #lensbaby . Also, if you want to see what Laila thinks of the whole tossing leaves at your dogs thing, head to my stories. 😉