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Dearest Sora Bora,
Thank DOG I’m alive! I can’t believe it! By some miracle of bread(!!!), I survived a series of run-ins with the “locals,” aka Sneak Attack Ninja Cats, in the not so friendly Land of Street Felines (she means the Istrian Peninsula [link]). Every day, I thank my lucky rawhide bones that I survived the torture and was lucky to not be captured as a POW (Prisoner of Wags).
Don’t ever forget Sora. NEVER forget the fear-inducing, thunder-booming, soul sucking, Sneak Attack Ninja Cats of the Barkans (she means Balkans).
In order to move on and get over my newly developed P.T.S.D. (Paws That Strike Down), I think it’s healthy for me to acknowledge and tell my experiences.
This is the story of war, the war of the Sneak Attack Ninja Cats.
It all started in Paw-Ron, SLOWvenia (she means Piran, Slovenia). So what happened was Mommaz and Daddyz and Iz were walking home from lunch, and I was just minding my business staring at moving objects, when out of nowhere, this ass hat gray Sneak Attack Ninja Cat jumps out claws blazing from under a parked car. This frackin’ feline caught with me with a two-clawed drop kick and straight open-pawed face slap. I felt my body recoil upon impact and before I could brace for another blow, turd whiskers came back for another round of beat-the-shat-out-of-Sora!
I did my bestie to defend myself, including some serious close but no noms air chomps, but I was no match for the speed and precision of this Sneak Attack Ninja Cat. I intended to launch a counter-attack of Godzilla-like proportion, but Daddyz stepped-in and separated us while Mommaz stood frozen in shock. Daddyz then yelled “runnn” as the Sneak Attack Ninja Cat started hissing at him and we rans soooo fast away like cats out of hell. This unprovoked act of Feline Warfare (I think she is comparing the attack to Guerilla Warfare) certainly caught me off guard, and I figured this is was a one off event with a fart weasel Sneak Attack Ninja Cat. Little did I know what was coming next…
My next encounter with a Sneak Attack Ninja Cat occurred in Ravioli, Crustia (she means Rovinj, Croatia). This son of a bitch cat was in camouflage under a planter box and waited until I was within four paws length to launch Operation Shock and Claw. I was helpless against this Blitzkrieg and the element of surprise caught me off guard, cause WHO THINKS A SNEAK ATTACK NINJA CAT IS HIDING UNDER A PLANT?! Once I came to my senses and knew what was going on, I thought, “oh snaps, helllll naw, not this crapola again! Is Sora Borba gonna have to F this meow up?”
Instead my stoooopid Daddyz stepped in and told the Sneak Attack Ninja Cat to “back up…SHOOO” Mommaz was stunned and made sure to put me on a one-way ticket, to PeaceOutVille. This was a total category 3/type 2 attack and put me on edge, always looking out for the next offensive from a Sneak Attack Ninja Cat. I texted Ollie and Nima (our cats back home) later that night and told them to put the word out on FaceCat (the feline Facebook) that the next shit monkey who messes with me is gonna get full Borba ruckus.
Hugs, slugs, and please Europe, no more pugs(!!!),